Hugs from heaven – HBD Reed

Dear Reed –

Happy birthday, Sunshine! I hope that all heaven celebrated you today.  Like the ebb and flow of the tides, my heart rose and sank all throughout today.  For your birthday eve, I slept the sleep of the angels as I was still recovering from a cousin concert trip of a lifetime.  What a blessing to celebrate with those who see and love me, but mostly who understand what it means to love the way you did – rEVOLutionarily!

As I was groggily awakened by the singing of what sounded like a choir full of birds before the sun rose, my heart sank because I realized that I would once again greet another day without you.  Yet, I somehow feel nature knew my heart needed comforting.  Upon opening the window shades, I saw that the “Wales” rose was dripping in bloomed flowers.  A slight smile curved my lips as I thought of all the times we dreamed together looking out that window, especially during our crazy stay-up-late cheering for Olympic team nights.

I barely stepped out of our room before my phone started pinging with messages of love from those who loved you with all their hearts and who remind us they continue to love you.  Your Boy Scout brother, your best friend, and adopted aunties, followed by so many more.

While I posted a birthday message to you on social media, Dad exuberantly shared that our new “dragon” plant (Oh how you would love that!) was ready to bloom.  Seconds later, he exclaimed, “The cardinals are flying, and they are everywhere.”  I smiled through my tears as Dad, Clo, and I gathered to look out at your memory garden looking for any flash of red feathers. 

The love messages on Facebook and Instagram continued throughout the day.  An early one caught my eye and took away my breath.  A dear friend simply wrote:

Happy birthday Reed! Give mama a sign today. Hugs to you Kandy!

AG

How could she know that even though it’s your birthday, my one wish was for heaven to touch earth today.

The rest of the day was spent with other messages that surrounded us all with love and support.  We will never be able to repay all the kindnesses, but our hearts’ songs will always replay the wonder of their love.

We spent the evening gathered together as a family for an evening of golf and dining, simply remembering you.  The time laughing and duffing around was amazing, but my heart was aching because this is the last time, for a while, that we will all be together as we soon start a really southern branch of Team Stevens, captained by Sawyer and Sydney.  Before we loaded sweet A into the car with Erin and Grant, I made sure to give her extra kisses from you.  Perhaps the goodbyes for now lingered longer today, because on your birthday we are reminded of the ache of waiting for heaven.

As I prepare to go to bed, my heart smiles because what happened earlier today could have only been orchestrated in heaven.  For a few years now, we celebrate today as “Be Like Reed” day.  Sometimes it’s enjoying ice cream for supper.  Other times, the day is devoted to getting outside and doing something you would love.  But today, I chose to “Be Kind like Reed” and treated my concurrent enrollment summer school class to an iced coffee bar to start class.  Since today was our last day in person, I thought it would be the perfect way to honor how you truly loved people.  Normally, bookbags begin to shuffle minutes before class ends.  But not today.  Class ended, only my students didn’t leave.  One by one, these sweet students came up to thank me for the coffee, for the class, for making them feel like they would be successful students in college.  What happened next was definitely not expected.  One asked if they could give me a hug, to which I enthusiastically replied – YES! Then I explained how Dad says I should come with a warning sign – “Look out! She’s a hugger!” They laughed, and then each one lined up with hugs.  Each embrace filled my heart with joy, but the last one, oh the last one.  That one filled my eyes with happy tears.  She enveloped me and gave me one of those colossal bear hugs just like yours, with smile radiating as if it came from heaven.

So, my friend’s words were prophetic.

I got the sign! Thanks for that. Even though it feels light years away, sometimes heaven isn’t so far away.

My heart feels recharged to go out and to keep on loving – just like you.

I love you always.

Holding you in my heart, until I can hold you in my arms again.

Love, Momma