A Promise Fulfilled

Have you ever had that friend who just appears in your life and you don’t actually remember the details of how your friendship started? I do.  My earliest recollection of meeting my friend, Jan, was on a visit to Leeds to see family. We chatted at Earl’s (which was still our family’s local watering hole at the time).  She was kind, funny, and one of those people I knew instantly was exceptionally talented.  Honestly, that was it. A chance encounter while watching others play cards in a small-town bar.

Fast forward a few years to the bus crash, and this loving soul and artist created, in mere days, a painting of Reed to send with our family coming for the services. If you look closely, you will also see Grandpa Earl, whom Jan knew very well and who she included to say Reed was also being loved in heaven.  What I didn’t know in our first interactions was that my friend understood the depth of losing a child, having lost her son as well.

Eventually, she and her husband moved back closer to his family, ironically to my home state of Florida.  Our friendship grew deeper a few years later when I shared that I was writing a book.  She became one of my best encouragers in the process, even though after her move, we never once sat down together in the same place again.

We regularly shared prayer requests, laments, silly moments and laughs, and simply the extraordinary ordinary moments of life.  I relished when she one day decided that I was one of her besties.  From two people who had very different life experiences, educations, generations, and social existences, we simply got each other. 

One of our shared loves (of which there were many) was our love of animals.  One day while at the 7-11, she and her beloved found a down and out dog that was desperately in need of care.  Mind you, this dog was found after a hurricane, in which Jan and Dex lost most of what they owned by nature, and the rest, including all the salvageable pieces of her artistry, was taken by looters.  Even in their own hour of need, her first instinct was to help this precious pup. 

Well, it turns out the pup was not a pup, but rather a momma dog expecting a litter of puppies, which they helped bring into the world.  But sadly, they weren’t able to care for the sweet pups and due to the hurricane devastation, no shelter space was available, especially not the life-affirming shelters.  So, what do two besties who share a love for animals do, we hatched up a plan to do a transnational adoption.  I worked with a doggie Uber to get four of the sweetest little puppies across the nation from Florida to Minnesota where I had found four perfect homes for them.  (Yes, doggie Uber exists. Long story, but the short version is another bestie dreamed about its existence when trying to help transport two pups across country for her parents. I have the BEST friends.) Jan was thankful for the good homes, but also grilled me every day that they were the best matches for her sweet babies.  They were then, and they still are now. I still keep tabs on all those pups today. A promise is a promise.

Friends like this are hard to find, and to find one who understands your heart and shares your passions are truly life’s gemstones. Another one of our shared passions are the importance of elevating Indigenous voices, especially those of women, and honoring traditional ancestries. We were (and are) deeply concerned about the MMIW and MMIP situations across the United States and Canada.  And we were both enamored by the incredible sculpture: Dignity of Earth and Sky situated on the Missouri River near Chamberlain, South Dakota. Dignity is a 50-foot, stainless steel statue of a stunning Indigenous woman holding a star quilt with louvered panels that fittingly move with the wind and was designed by sculptor Dale Lamphere to honor the cultures of the Lakota and Dakota people.

In a word, she is . . . breathtaking.

Jan and I hatched a plan to visit her together.  To honor and to revere the contributions of Lakota and Dakota peoples. She had hopes of visiting gravesites of other family members and seeing family on the planned trip back to North Dakota.  Maybe we were two dreamers simply imagining an epic girl’s weekend, but we were planning as best we could living across the country from each other.

I never imagined how the dreams would be dashed.  One day while setting up for a class, I took a quick break and scrolled Facebook.  I noticed a report from one of Jan’s daughters that Jan wasn’t doing well.  I know from our conversations that life had been hard for Jan for most of her life, but in our conversations, I never heard a word of complaint. Not once. Not ever. 

In the post her precious daughter said her mom wasn’t doing well, but asked people to share fun memories which she would read to her to boost her spirits.  Since class was starting soon, I decided I would take my next break to send an update of puppy pictures and stories since I knew that would totally be a day brightener.  Sadly, that isn’t how it worked out.  Jan took a turn for the worse and was gone before I even had a chance to respond.  Before I had a chance to say goodbye or share any memories, my friend was gone.

I sat in my office and cried and cried and cried.

Much like, finishing the triathlon that I started training with my boys prior to the bus crash, at some point, I decided to some day take that planned trip to see Dignity.  Getting there wasn’t as easy as I had hoped as my emotions were just frankly too sad to take the voyage, even if the travel was only three hours or so from my home.  I just couldn’t do it.  The journey was just too sad.

Then in a odd twist to the story, we had a trip out to the Black Hills to celebrate a hunting buddy of my sweetie.  I wasn’t sure if I should go as we had some other things cooking, but then he shocked me by saying, “I think it’s time you get to Dignity.”

We arrived the night before and stayed at a local lodge before getting up right at dawn to fulfill a dream and promise.  I will be honest and say I am not in any pictures, because I cried the entire time.  I prayed thanking God for our friendship, and as we were just ready to go, standing at the base of Dignity, the sun peeked from behind the clouds and illuminated that whole side of her and shone down on my tear-stained face. 

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Facing up to heaven, I whispered back, “I finally got here, Jan, and I feel you here. Your love warms me in in this beam of sunshine.”

Miigwech for the lessons in life and friendship.

I love you, dear bestie!  I will see you again someday.