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Love lingers

February 20, 2021

Hey Reed –

Every year on this day, I cannot believe how much time has passed and yet, in the moments where my heart forgets I can’t just tell you some really great news, it seems like a blink of an eye since you went home to Jesus.  There are so many, many things that have happened around the world this year that have made me feel that if you were here your heart would just simply break.  But within our family, other good things have happened and those would make you smile. 

As we’ve learned about grief and trauma, there is an ebb and flow of good days and those where the aching for heaven consumes us. And February still happens. We knew it was inevitable. The sadness of the month arrived. 

But there were and forever, I guess, will be the moments of divine love that surround us all.

Last night, the trauma of today seemed to be remembered by every cell in my body.  I tossed and turned, almost like my body was fighting because it didn’t want to face this day reliving life without you and with the sadness your siblings will carry forever.   

As we got up and faced the day, a heavy fog hung close to the ground as we drove out of town for a bit.  The symbolism was uncanny.  The sadness our hearts carried enveloped us as we drove around, but just like the miracle of Easter, the sun came out and we were able to walk in your woods and remember all your shenanigans.  Watching an unreal experience of crows chasing an owl made me pause in awe because it seemed as if heaven was reminding us that the intense pain of February only lasts so long. 

Throughout the day, message after message of love and support came flowing in, chasing away the sadness.  Family, friends, besties, and former and current students offered beautiful heartfelt remembrances, and we felt wrapped up in that love.  Through them all I was reminded that February’s pain is not stronger than the love of heaven.

I think when one experiences profound loss, you also have the chance to realize the preciousness of life.  Tragedy also has a way of helping you count your blessings. Nothing will ever replace you, but the love shown to us today and every day remind me of deeply God loves us. Just the other day, I had a beautiful conversation with Mama Joy and in it, I shared that even though I will always miss you, God knew how to fill the ache.  We lost one son, but somehow gained nine others.  From those others, we have been blessed with the most amazing grandchildren who even though DNA doesn’t connect us, the love of heaven certainly does. Hearing their giggles, watching them grow, and knowing that we can share your light with each of them is a gift immeasurable.  I can only imagine that you had a hand in telling Jesus exactly what our hearts needed, and I hope you smile when Lydia, who favors you a lot, asks all kinds of questions about you.  I know my heart soars when I tell her all your stories.

Faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love. Clearly, my sweet boy, you are missed and loved by many. We’ve learned that while we are separated by the veil between heaven and earth, the love we all share lingers. 

Loving you forever until we can hug you again. 

Love, Momma

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